tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-64402585029607442002012-01-22T10:52:23.120-08:00William Weird ("The Bearded Weirdo Reviews Guy")http://www.blogger.com/profile/18106141392911297787noreply@blogger.comBlogger861100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6440258502960744200.post-53801887088161233182011-05-08T22:55:00.000-07:002011-06-08T01:52:49.774-07:00

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William Weird ("The Bearded Weirdo Reviews Guy")http://www.blogger.com/profile/18106141392911297787noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6440258502960744200.post-17222002133223985752010-09-29T15:42:00.000-07:002010-10-04T14:56:53.603-07:00

The video release poster for CAST A DEADLY SPELL came with a "crowd pleaser" seal of approval which guaranteed that if you didn't enjoy the movie you'd get a refund of the cash it cost you to make the rental. Such a thing may be little more than a nostalgic novelty now, but it might as well have been an amendment to the U.S. Constitution. That's right, CAST A DEADLY SPELL lives up to its promises

William Weird ("The Bearded Weirdo Reviews Guy")http://www.blogger.com/profile/18106141392911297787noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6440258502960744200.post-12709608017843701362010-09-20T18:34:00.000-07:002010-09-20T18:52:04.988-07:00

"She's Cupid with a poison arrow, and she's got it aimed at you. She'll find your heart no matter what you do. Cover yourself. Don't go out alone at night. 'Cause she's dressed to kill and she's got you in her sights. She's a killer! And she's got her on eye on you! She's a killer! And there's nothing you can do! If you get too close to her, she'll cut you like a knife. She's a killer! She just

William Weird ("The Bearded Weirdo Reviews Guy")http://www.blogger.com/profile/18106141392911297787noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6440258502960744200.post-19344557586240734892010-09-14T14:56:00.000-07:002010-10-04T15:40:40.235-07:00

If Satan has any stake at all in the movie business, he's probably the a-hole behind truly pestilent pieces o' sickly yak excrement like CHARLIE'S ANGELS: FULL THROTTLE or that soul-crushing KARATE KID remake. Go on and on as much as you like about how THE EXORCIST supposedly has the devil's touch imprinted right onto the celluloid. Me? I'm much more likely to believe that ol' horn-head is

William Weird ("The Bearded Weirdo Reviews Guy")http://www.blogger.com/profile/18106141392911297787noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6440258502960744200.post-69157845529433418502010-09-13T05:05:00.000-07:002010-09-13T05:23:45.331-07:00

If there was a single filmmaking company in all of pop culture that could act as a perfect counterpart to the inside of my own brain, it would unquestionably be Troma. Likewise, if there was a single act within the entire music industry that could similarly be seen as a physical embodiment of my disease spirit n' psyche, there is no hesitation whatsoever on my part in naming that act as Gwar.

William Weird ("The Bearded Weirdo Reviews Guy")http://www.blogger.com/profile/18106141392911297787noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6440258502960744200.post-87144041224670753792010-09-09T16:18:00.000-07:002010-09-10T10:39:18.965-07:00

Welcome once again to my cadaverous crypt, goofy ghoulies and cannibalistic cunts! It's good to see you again, freaks n' geeks, here at Bearded Weirdo Reviews, where men are men, women are sluts, the 80's are alive and well, shaving is illegal, and bad taste is just an acquired taste! Have a seat, and take in the scene that I'm about to paint for you, fellow fiends!The year is 1686. The place is

William Weird ("The Bearded Weirdo Reviews Guy")http://www.blogger.com/profile/18106141392911297787noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6440258502960744200.post-76553039199526513972010-08-30T14:35:00.000-07:002010-09-13T05:13:56.721-07:00

Thirty Helens agree... though it came to its end more than a decade ago, The Kids In The Hall is one of the best sketch comedy T.V. shows of all time.If you're only familiarity with sketch comedy has been programs like Saturday Night Live and Mad T.V., you're missing out, kiddo. Especially in the latter case (sweet baby new year! ...Mad T.V. was fucking awful... well, except for maybe those Kenny

William Weird ("The Bearded Weirdo Reviews Guy")http://www.blogger.com/profile/18106141392911297787noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6440258502960744200.post-49116214901136756962010-08-30T14:16:00.000-07:002010-09-09T16:12:18.121-07:00

Calling ZOMBIE a masterpiece is redundant. It's a given. Any horror fan worth his or her salt knows that ZOMBIE is a classic. If you dare to dub yourself a horror cinema aficionado without having seen ZOMBIE, you should be tarred n' feathered, then exiled from society. End of story.Aside from being Lucio Fulci's most well-known and popular film, it has also, for years upon years upon years now,

William Weird ("The Bearded Weirdo Reviews Guy")http://www.blogger.com/profile/18106141392911297787noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6440258502960744200.post-55999188969600227832010-08-25T15:56:00.000-07:002010-08-25T16:17:13.657-07:00

"Why don't they still make comedy movies like this anymore?"It's a question I ask myself all the time. Today's comedies suck. Whatever happened to the wacky, witty, R-rated misadventures of yesteryear? That's what I want, dammit! I'm sick of P.G.-13 bullshit and forgettable garbage like MEET THE SPARTANS, PAUL BLART: MALL COP, or anything Adam Sandler is attached to. I want raunchy, rambunctious,

William Weird ("The Bearded Weirdo Reviews Guy")http://www.blogger.com/profile/18106141392911297787noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6440258502960744200.post-90040831205783038442010-08-10T15:19:00.001-07:002010-08-10T15:33:35.214-07:00

In the horror genre, like in just about every other walk of life, trends come and go. In horror, it seems fads go through repetitive cycles. That is, what's popular becomes unpopular, but usually becomes popular again at some point farther down the line, whether in an immediately recognizable form or not.Take zombies, for instance. Ever since George Romero re-imagined them with his landmark opus

William Weird ("The Bearded Weirdo Reviews Guy")http://www.blogger.com/profile/18106141392911297787noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6440258502960744200.post-11807687515309032122010-08-06T12:01:00.000-07:002010-08-06T12:30:11.383-07:00

Before Jim Carrey got super-famous and super-rich by being America's favorite spastic, Hawaiian shirt-wearin' pet detective, he was just another largely unknown actor/comedian trying to find a niche. One of the projects he worked on prior to achieving his big break was the vampire sex comedy ONCE BITTEN, a movie Carrey no doubt looks back on as merely a stepping stone to where he is today. But as

William Weird ("The Bearded Weirdo Reviews Guy")http://www.blogger.com/profile/18106141392911297787noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6440258502960744200.post-24256665503892379882010-06-04T13:45:00.000-07:002010-06-04T13:46:42.653-07:00

*R.I.P. Dennis Hopper1936---2010*

William Weird ("The Bearded Weirdo Reviews Guy")http://www.blogger.com/profile/18106141392911297787noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6440258502960744200.post-85869955379544781922010-06-04T13:43:00.000-07:002010-06-04T13:45:08.927-07:00

*R.I.P. Gary Coleman1968---2010*

William Weird ("The Bearded Weirdo Reviews Guy")http://www.blogger.com/profile/18106141392911297787noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6440258502960744200.post-59853683374172277612010-05-20T07:46:00.000-07:002010-05-20T07:47:09.226-07:00

William Weird ("The Bearded Weirdo Reviews Guy")http://www.blogger.com/profile/18106141392911297787noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6440258502960744200.post-21331444242222650912010-05-20T07:44:00.000-07:002010-05-20T07:45:51.645-07:00

*R.I.P. Ronnie James Dio1942 --- 2010*

William Weird ("The Bearded Weirdo Reviews Guy")http://www.blogger.com/profile/18106141392911297787noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6440258502960744200.post-70265693905968576412010-05-12T07:04:00.001-07:002010-05-12T07:06:20.294-07:00

*R.I.P. Frank Frazetta1928 --- 2010*

William Weird ("The Bearded Weirdo Reviews Guy")http://www.blogger.com/profile/18106141392911297787noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6440258502960744200.post-59967254143905145912010-05-09T17:56:00.000-07:002010-05-09T17:59:08.055-07:00

William Weird ("The Bearded Weirdo Reviews Guy")http://www.blogger.com/profile/18106141392911297787noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6440258502960744200.post-46833555966470915962010-03-22T09:16:00.001-07:002010-04-16T11:48:08.097-07:00

They're beautiful. They're buxom. They're wearing brightly colored leotards, and they're aerobicizing. Oh yeah, and, now, they're dying.Welcome to Rhonda's Workout, a gym whose members spend most of their time lifting weights, stretching, loitering, stretching, getting naked, stretching, saying incredibly asinine things, stretching, and finding themselves on the lethal business end of a

William Weird ("The Bearded Weirdo Reviews Guy")http://www.blogger.com/profile/18106141392911297787noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6440258502960744200.post-25883527169851024882010-03-22T05:11:00.000-07:002010-03-22T05:32:20.376-07:00

You didn't imagine it.Your own reflection is watching you.The mirror isn't empty. There's something demonic hiding on the other side. But don't fret. It doesn't want much. Just your life.Sean Ellis' THE BROKEN deals with one of the most resonant and relavent themes that the horror genre likes to explore (and, also, one of my personal favorites): identity.You may think you know yourself. You may

William Weird ("The Bearded Weirdo Reviews Guy")http://www.blogger.com/profile/18106141392911297787noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6440258502960744200.post-7378192462089348532010-03-21T21:00:00.000-07:002010-03-21T21:02:28.083-07:00

Lookie-lookie! The new issue of the BthroughZ webzine is up and available for free at http://www.BthroughZ.com, and, once again, the writing talents of yours cruelly are featured prominently throughout. Be sure to drop in and check out my interview with the inimitable Jake Karns, the maniacal mastermind behind such classic underground comix titles as Fukitor, Tales From Uranus, and Bloody Skull

William Weird ("The Bearded Weirdo Reviews Guy")http://www.blogger.com/profile/18106141392911297787noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6440258502960744200.post-2003726762347272042010-03-21T20:49:00.000-07:002010-03-21T20:50:39.818-07:00

*R.I.P. Corey Haim1971 --- 2010*_

William Weird ("The Bearded Weirdo Reviews Guy")http://www.blogger.com/profile/18106141392911297787noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6440258502960744200.post-52208854335365613212010-03-08T10:51:00.000-08:002010-03-21T20:48:33.633-07:00

One-eyed sluts, zombie nazis, and luchadors with chicken wings... these are a few of my fav-o-rite thiiiiiiiiinnnngs!Wanna know some of my other favorite things?How about titties, robots who can turn into motorcycles/submarines/spaceships and have guns in both their butts and dicks, pimped out muscle cars, buck nekkid Elsa Lanchester lookalikes, gratituous genital jokes, werewolves, strippers,

William Weird ("The Bearded Weirdo Reviews Guy")http://www.blogger.com/profile/18106141392911297787noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6440258502960744200.post-27139120006189589032010-02-28T18:09:00.000-08:002010-02-28T18:59:38.063-08:00

Chris Seaver is a douche bag.Sorry. My college Journalism professor always used to emphasize the importance of an attention-grabbing lead. Hope that does that trick.Where was I? Oh yeah.Ahem.Chris Seaver is a douche bag. He's the type of guy who seems to think that everything is funny, that little to nothing is sacred, off-limits, or in poor taste, the kind of guy who laughs at cuss words and

William Weird ("The Bearded Weirdo Reviews Guy")http://www.blogger.com/profile/18106141392911297787noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6440258502960744200.post-80183148001709366442010-02-28T14:23:00.001-08:002010-06-10T12:28:30.179-07:00

“This is the story of a time long ago, a time of myth and legend, when the Earth was still young. The ancient gods were petty and cruel, and they plagued mankind for their sport. Plagued them with suffering and besieged them with terrors. For centuries the people had nowhere to turn, no one to look to for help. Until he arrived. He was a man like no other.”That's where Deathbone comes in.Like

William Weird ("The Bearded Weirdo Reviews Guy")http://www.blogger.com/profile/18106141392911297787noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6440258502960744200.post-70915101765128143002010-02-18T12:13:00.000-08:002010-06-10T12:28:46.047-07:00

And so I said "Liked it? I loved it!" Bwahahahahahahahaha!!!Oh. Sorry, reader. Didn't see you standing there. I was just having a conversation here with my good frien-...Hey, where'd he go?Goddammit, reader! You scared him off!!!Bah, fiddlefucks! I guess I'll just tell you then what I was gonna tell my now-departed pal.You see, the conversation you just walked into was about the merits of Chris

William Weird ("The Bearded Weirdo Reviews Guy")http://www.blogger.com/profile/18106141392911297787noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6440258502960744200.post-1439394727630857022010-02-14T00:50:00.000-08:002010-06-10T12:29:13.497-07:00

"Speaking of masturbation at break-neck speeds..."Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the man, the myth, the legend: Teen Ape.Who?!?Teen Ape, goddammit! In case you aren't already aware, he's the jive-talkin', lady-bangin', cooler-than-cool monkey-man mascot of Chris Seaver's Low Budget Pictures. He made his first appearance in I WAS A TEENAGE APE, and has been going strong pretty much ever

William Weird ("The Bearded Weirdo Reviews Guy")http://www.blogger.com/profile/18106141392911297787noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6440258502960744200.post-83030692828503490362010-02-05T11:18:00.000-08:002010-04-12T06:08:45.238-07:00

If ever there was a series of movies (and books, for that matter) that deserved to be ruthlessly skewered and lampooned in a razor-wit, mean-spirited parody film, the TWILIGHT franchise would be it. With it's self-important tone, overly earnest atmosphere, and high school soap opera melodrama, TWILIGHT adds up to easy pickins for pop culture satirists of both the high and low brow varieties.Also,

William Weird ("The Bearded Weirdo Reviews Guy")http://www.blogger.com/profile/18106141392911297787noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6440258502960744200.post-80164627071493516092010-02-05T11:13:00.000-08:002010-02-05T11:17:36.753-08:00

*R.I.P. Zelda Rubenstein1933---2010*

William Weird ("The Bearded Weirdo Reviews Guy")http://www.blogger.com/profile/18106141392911297787noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6440258502960744200.post-8606368738979532132010-02-01T06:44:00.000-08:002010-02-01T07:11:08.713-08:00

Alright you primitive screwheads, listen up!Red blood does not flow through Gregory Lamberson's veins. Instead, the life-sustaining fluid pumping through his heart is thick, chunky, gunky, viscous slime. And it comes in every color of the rainbow.Lamberson made a green n' yellow-slathered splash in the subterranean splatter scene back in the heady days of the grungy grindhouses with his 19880

William Weird ("The Bearded Weirdo Reviews Guy")http://www.blogger.com/profile/18106141392911297787noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6440258502960744200.post-35463592543312126172010-02-01T05:55:00.000-08:002010-02-01T06:20:18.158-08:00

His name is Mars. Like the red planet. Like the Roman god of war. Like the candy bar. No last name. Like Cher or Prince or Madonna, he's Mars. Just Mars. Only, y'know, better. Because he's not Cher or Prince or Madonna. They suck. He doesn't. They write crappy modern pop music. He writes kick-ass scores for underground horror flicks like PRISON OF THE PSYCHOTIC DAMNED and COUNTESS BATHORIA'S

William Weird ("The Bearded Weirdo Reviews Guy")http://www.blogger.com/profile/18106141392911297787noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6440258502960744200.post-34767708575351120802010-01-29T09:23:00.000-08:002010-01-29T09:31:37.512-08:00

Atten-hut motherfuckers! It's your ol' pal William Weird here. Just wanted to update you with some of my new writing hittin' the internet. For anyone already familiar with the B-Through-Z webzine (anyone who isn't, let me just say shame on you, shaaaaaaame), you may be happy to hear that yours cruelly will officially be joining the B-Through-Z staff as of this latest issue to hit the web. The new

William Weird ("The Bearded Weirdo Reviews Guy")http://www.blogger.com/profile/18106141392911297787noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6440258502960744200.post-67161024988663243412010-01-29T08:32:00.001-08:002010-01-29T08:41:06.529-08:00

Wowzers! My first awards. Garsh, I feel so warm and fuzzy inside. Wait, that's just the guinea pig I shoved up my rectum. Richard Gere would be so proud.First off, I'd like to thank the Academy...Ahem. Anywhositswhatsits, all joking aside, I actually would like to extend my most sincere thanks to Bill over at Radiation-Scarred Reviews (http://www.Radiation-Scarred-Reviews.blogspot.com) for

William Weird ("The Bearded Weirdo Reviews Guy")http://www.blogger.com/profile/18106141392911297787noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6440258502960744200.post-81257095248800098302010-01-27T06:58:00.000-08:002010-01-27T07:19:19.079-08:00

Allan Mann is an ordinary chap. He's amicable, clean-shaven, he takes care of his body, and is just a short while away from receiving his law degree. He likes to jog, and he's got a cute sex-kitten fiance who sleeps in the buff.Alas, life is cruel. And full of trucks. And cataclysmic spinal chord injuries.Just like that, Allan's whole world has gone to shit. He's paralyzed, miserable, and bitter.

William Weird ("The Bearded Weirdo Reviews Guy")http://www.blogger.com/profile/18106141392911297787noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6440258502960744200.post-48727255783526982982010-01-27T06:32:00.001-08:002010-02-08T12:13:36.393-08:00

Monkeys. Cute, ain't they? Everybody loves monkeys. We dress 'em up in suits and ties and gush "Awwww... they think they're people." DUNSTON CHECKS IN. MONKEY TROUBLE. M.V.P.: MOST VALUABLE PRIMATE. Our love affair with our own primate cousins, the ones who never quite evolved past picking parasites out of their own hair and drinking their own piss, is well-documented. But don't be fooled, fools!

William Weird ("The Bearded Weirdo Reviews Guy")http://www.blogger.com/profile/18106141392911297787noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6440258502960744200.post-73043909248342766952010-01-25T08:35:00.000-08:002010-01-25T08:38:28.645-08:00

*R.I.P. Art Clokey1921---2010*

William Weird ("The Bearded Weirdo Reviews Guy")http://www.blogger.com/profile/18106141392911297787noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6440258502960744200.post-38832385267334452022010-01-22T07:45:00.001-08:002010-01-25T05:21:58.861-08:00

*R.I.P. Chas Balun1948---2009*

William Weird ("The Bearded Weirdo Reviews Guy")http://www.blogger.com/profile/18106141392911297787noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6440258502960744200.post-5932426547878571192009-12-28T11:11:00.000-08:002010-01-20T13:18:55.925-08:00

*R.I.P. Dan O'Bannon 1946 --- 2009*

William Weird ("The Bearded Weirdo Reviews Guy")http://www.blogger.com/profile/18106141392911297787noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6440258502960744200.post-57985467013066166182009-12-03T06:56:00.000-08:002009-12-14T05:19:24.155-08:00

Guys and girls, girls and guys! Gather 'round and feast your eyes!Things are about to get sticky up in here.See, your friendly neighborhood Bearded Weirdo has just arrived back at el casa after a short-but-sweet roadtrip to one of his favorite vacation spots. Diggin' out my map, I saw there were a number of prime getaway locales awaiting my arrival.There was Castle Rock, stomping ground for a

William Weird ("The Bearded Weirdo Reviews Guy")http://www.blogger.com/profile/18106141392911297787noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6440258502960744200.post-57958049927370669102009-12-01T14:08:00.000-08:002009-12-01T14:12:03.243-08:00

*R.I.P. Paul Naschy1934 --- 2009*

William Weird ("The Bearded Weirdo Reviews Guy")http://www.blogger.com/profile/18106141392911297787noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6440258502960744200.post-61046388278838680332009-11-23T10:00:00.000-08:002010-01-20T08:43:26.928-08:00

Muthafuckin' Teen Ape Needs Your Muthafuckin' Help!!!With its twenty year anniversary just months away, Chris Seaver and his Low Budget Pictures crew are still doin' what they always been doin': cranking out hilarious, over-the-top, completely offensive no-budget trash movie S.O.V. epics that only the truly deranged can appreciate.I've been a fan of this company ever since I saw the first FILTHY

William Weird ("The Bearded Weirdo Reviews Guy")http://www.blogger.com/profile/18106141392911297787noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6440258502960744200.post-85375386989927490662009-11-16T11:11:00.000-08:002009-11-16T11:15:32.917-08:00

*R.I.P. Edward Woodward1930 --- 2009*

William Weird ("The Bearded Weirdo Reviews Guy")http://www.blogger.com/profile/18106141392911297787noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6440258502960744200.post-88015699885476498732009-11-12T07:18:00.000-08:002010-02-03T07:39:09.638-08:00

Have you heard the legend of Hull House?Don't get it wrong. Hull House isn't haunted. It's possessed. By demons from hell.It's a long-vacated (but never forgotten) funeral parlor with a grisly history of necrophilia, cannibalism, psychosis, murder, and suicide. The business' former owner is said to have copulated with the corpses entrusted to his care. Years later, one of the Hull family members

William Weird ("The Bearded Weirdo Reviews Guy")http://www.blogger.com/profile/18106141392911297787noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6440258502960744200.post-57153681177168266992009-11-10T06:53:00.000-08:002010-01-22T07:56:47.098-08:00

Angela's back.That's right, the sexy, gothy, utterly insane, satanic bitch-goddess from 1988's flesh-rottin', rip-roarin', rock-and-rollin' cult horror shocker NIGHT OF THE DEMONS was revived in 1994 for a sequel to said slice of psychotronic schlock sweetness, titled (imaginatively, I might add)... NIGHT OF THE DEMONS 2.Hereby officially becoming the "Freddy" of the NIGHT OF THE DEMONS series,

William Weird ("The Bearded Weirdo Reviews Guy")http://www.blogger.com/profile/18106141392911297787noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6440258502960744200.post-50877260575576798312009-10-26T05:02:00.000-07:002009-10-26T05:24:16.854-07:00

Festering fuckwads! NIGHT OF THE DEMONS just might very well be the ultimate Halloween movie!Sure, John Carpenter's grandpappy-of-all-slashers classic is actually flat-out called HALLOWEEN. But, for my money, there ain't a motion picture more suited for every fright fan's favorite holiday than this freaky-deaky fear flick right here.NIGHT OF THE DEMONS (a.k.a. HALLOWEEN PARTY) is one-half spooky

William Weird ("The Bearded Weirdo Reviews Guy")http://www.blogger.com/profile/18106141392911297787noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6440258502960744200.post-50530052040706966422009-10-22T06:01:00.000-07:002009-10-22T08:22:39.675-07:00

"Scream! Scream for your lives!"So shouts a frantic Vincent Price, in what might very well be William Castle's most ingenious picture, THE TINGLER.In the film, the legendary Price plays a death row coroner obsessed with the idea that terror is a tangible thing, a parasitic organism that lives its life latched to the base of a person's spine, and is capable of killing a person with the power of

William Weird ("The Bearded Weirdo Reviews Guy")http://www.blogger.com/profile/18106141392911297787noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6440258502960744200.post-33190078982115320552009-10-15T08:01:00.000-07:002009-10-15T08:04:49.084-07:00

*R.I.P. Captain Lou Albano1933 --- 2009*

William Weird ("The Bearded Weirdo Reviews Guy")http://www.blogger.com/profile/18106141392911297787noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6440258502960744200.post-16484021053768240692009-10-07T14:14:00.000-07:002009-10-07T14:49:27.925-07:00

"They're drenched in blood, or caked with mud. You yell and scream when one of them arrives. There is no denying, monsters lead such interesting lives. They live in ooze. They've paid their dues. No brothers, sisters, moms, or dads, or wives. Honest, I'm not lying, monsters lead such interesting lives. When you see them coming down the street, you better not have weights tied to your feet.

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Remember that episode of Seinfeld where Jerry n' George find themselves in bad standing with a high-ranking T.V. executive because of George's callous, lusty ogling of said executive's beloved (and nevertheless sexy) daughter? Anybody?At the end of the episode, Jerry n' George turn the tables on the executive by convincing their hot friend Elaine (played by Julia Louis-Dreyfus) to seduce the

William Weird ("The Bearded Weirdo Reviews Guy")http://www.blogger.com/profile/18106141392911297787noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6440258502960744200.post-42781821606044012622009-09-29T06:21:00.000-07:002009-09-29T06:25:42.233-07:00

*R.I.P. Dick Durock1937 --- 2009*

William Weird ("The Bearded Weirdo Reviews Guy")http://www.blogger.com/profile/18106141392911297787noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6440258502960744200.post-65994926204089201392009-09-01T06:44:00.000-07:002009-10-05T13:06:06.043-07:00

Area 51 is one of those great icons of the conspiracy theorists' canon that's made an indelible impression on mainstream pop culture as a whole. Everyone knows what Area 51 is, right? It is, after all, where "they" keep "them." "They" being the government, and "them" being... the aliens.Yeah, those aliens. You know the ones. Little gray fuckers. About three or four feet tall, with big, wide

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Let's play a game of make-believe, shall we?Okay. First, imagine it's the 1990's and you're a screenwriter working in glossy, glittery, glitzy Tinsel Town. Now, imagine that Hollywood Pictures comes to your door and says they want you to write a script for them. Imagine that the story they want you to turn into a script goes a little something like this: "Two Italian plumbers journey to another

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Never been a fan of The Rolling Stones, me. You can keep your lectures, thank you very much. I've heard it all before. Rock n' roll royalty this. Iconic legends of modern music that. Borrrrrring. They just ain't my cup o' tea. Let's just leave it that, deal? Deal. Frankly, aside from "Paint It Black" and "Sympathy For The Devil," I really couldn't give a fuck about 'em at all. But, hey, two songs

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Hail Cobra!!!Hot on the heels of the monumental success of the live-action TRANSFORMERS films comes G.I. JOE: THE RISE OF COBRA, another attempt to blend childhood nostalgia with computer-generated pyrotechnics in hopes of making a cool zillion dollars at the box office. No doubt, it will indeed make a zillion dollars without breaking a sweat, just like those TRANSFORMERS flicks. Just like any

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_*R.I.P. John Hughes1950 --- 2009*_

William Weird ("The Bearded Weirdo Reviews Guy")http://www.blogger.com/profile/18106141392911297787noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6440258502960744200.post-63393699582327188022009-07-24T05:37:00.000-07:002009-11-17T09:04:36.174-08:00

"Who'd win a wrestling match, Lemmy or god?"If you know your shit, then you know that the above question is a trick question, and that the only true answer is, simply, that Lemmy is god.If you didn't already know this plainly undeniable fact, then read on, punters and punters-to-be, and learn a li'l somethin' somethin' about a cult crap-comedy classic known as... AIRHEADS.AIRHEADS will never go

William Weird ("The Bearded Weirdo Reviews Guy")http://www.blogger.com/profile/18106141392911297787noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6440258502960744200.post-41638268336808818882009-07-10T14:57:00.000-07:002010-10-04T14:59:50.955-07:00

Why the fuck would you ever go hiking in a place called Demonwood Forest? Seriously. What good could come of that? How could anything else but violent death await you? Have you people not seen any goddamn horror movie, like, ever?It's like taking a leisury jaunt down Rapist Alley, or gettin' the notion in your head that, gee willickers, it'd be a real swell plan for us all to go skinny dipping in

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My V.C.R. has a mind of its own.Literally.It's sentient. It's self-aware. It's... alive! God help me! It's alive!!!I should've listened. I should've seen it coming. The warnings, they were plain as day.The proof was in the pudding. In this case, the "pudding" was of the TERMINATOR and MATRIX flavor. Those movies knew the truth. They tried to convince me of what was going on all around me. But I

William Weird ("The Bearded Weirdo Reviews Guy")http://www.blogger.com/profile/18106141392911297787noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6440258502960744200.post-52512665961893459042009-06-13T16:18:00.000-07:002010-01-22T07:55:06.179-08:00

The sword-and-sorcery subsect of the fantasy genre is one that has sort of faded into obscurity since it's renaissance back in the 1980's. Whereas one time you couldn't give the "fantasy" section of your local V.H.S. rental place even the faintest of ganders without finding your eyeballs assaulted by a small army of rather homoerotic box covers emblazoned with bronze-chested meatheads lofting

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What do you get when you take the legend of Elizabeth Bathory, the tragic tale of Jekyll & Hyde, David Cronenberg's remake of THE FLY, Stuart Gordon's film adaptation of FROM BEYOND, and several gallons of ultraslime n' store-bought vampire blood, mix 'em together moonshine-style in your bathtub, and then dump the whole concoction into the toilet n' hit the flusher? Well, I'm not really sure. But

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This should have been posted sooner, but I didn't find out until just now.*A moment of silence for David Carradine, a.k.a. "Kwai Chang Caine."December 8, 1936 – June 3, 2009*

William Weird ("The Bearded Weirdo Reviews Guy")http://www.blogger.com/profile/18106141392911297787noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6440258502960744200.post-89399397232683364412009-05-27T21:20:00.001-07:002009-06-19T06:20:49.995-07:00

Garbage-scarfers and sick n' twisted cinematic trash-chompers, get a grip on your bent n' rusted silverware. 'Cause this is definitely a delightful delicacy for dedicated dumpster divers.Straight from the scum-encrusted sewers of subterranean cinema, THE VIDEO DEAD, ladies n' gentlemaniacs, is in the hizzouse!!!Abandon all hope, ye who watch this movie.First off, I gotta remark, y'know, that the

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EVIL CULT is the greatest motion picture you've never seen.There. I said it.I can already see your brow furrow as you read these words."What the hell is EVIL CULT?" you inquire.What the hell is EVIL CULT?!?In a word? Awesome.I know EVIL CULT doesn't look like anything special at first. In fact, at a glance, it doesn't even look like it has a chance in hell of being any good whatsoever. You might

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"I know who I am," shouts Mickey Rourke, tears welling up in his eyes.His rage turns to defeat. His shrieks wither, drying up into sore-throated croaks, and then die. His horror is palpable, and it reminds us that our own identities are often capable of doing us more damage than any pitchfork-slingin' devil or forked tongue-flappin' demon. It reminds us that the loss of identity is one of the

William Weird ("The Bearded Weirdo Reviews Guy")http://www.blogger.com/profile/18106141392911297787noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6440258502960744200.post-46464786671138499412009-04-30T06:44:00.000-07:002010-10-04T15:07:46.264-07:00

I once read an article by Tim McLean (published in issue #3 of Paracinema magazine, ...just a little shout-out/shameless plug for a grossly undercirculated but extremely deserving publication that I enjoy immensely) about Jim Wynorski that stressed the importance of having lots of booze on hand when watching a Wynorski picture. I remember it said, and I quote, "you need to be... open-minded

William Weird ("The Bearded Weirdo Reviews Guy")http://www.blogger.com/profile/18106141392911297787noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6440258502960744200.post-3383177303999066882009-04-24T13:47:00.000-07:002009-10-19T05:48:40.326-07:00

The horror genre regularly gets a bad rap, and catches a lot of flak for not being an "artistic" genre of cinema. People like to say horror is exploitative, derivative, repetitive, and just plain bad for society. All this flak, of course, generally tends to come from the uneducated mainstream and unwashed masses, who completely miss out on the fact that, in truth, horror and related genres tend

William Weird ("The Bearded Weirdo Reviews Guy")http://www.blogger.com/profile/18106141392911297787noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6440258502960744200.post-23878091193969360412009-04-21T06:26:00.002-07:002010-04-16T13:45:22.010-07:00

Movie Reviews/News/Info10, 000 Bullets1000 Misspent Hours366 Weird Movies3-B TheaterThe A.V. ClubA.V. ManiacsAin't It Cool NewsArrow In The HeadAtomicMonsters.comAuntie Aaron's Dungeon Of DarknessB-Through-ZB-Movie Film VaultBad Movie PlanetBadMovies.orgBargain Bin ReviewsBenevolent StreetBleeding SkullBloodtype OnlineBottom Of The BarrelBraineaterC.H.U.D.Chris AlexanderCinema

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Like what I'm doing? Hate it?Did I get something wrong?Are there broken links?Want me to review a certain film? Want me to review YOUR film?*Curious about a movie I've reviewed?Just want to shoot the shit?Questions? Comments?Criticisms? Corrections?Let me know!BeardedWeirdoReviews@yahoo.com*Please note that providing me with a screener/D.V.D./movie pass/whatever does not guarantee your movie a

William Weird ("The Bearded Weirdo Reviews Guy")http://www.blogger.com/profile/18106141392911297787noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6440258502960744200.post-54159730958952602342009-04-21T06:25:00.001-07:002011-05-08T22:51:29.690-07:00

I often joke that I'm the bastard love child of Rhonda Shear and Joe Bob Briggs. That would be because I spent the bulk of my childhood watching those two on T.V., on U.S.A. Up All Night and T.N.T. MonsterVision, respectively. Rotting my brain cells with a steady, slimy diet of horror, exploitation, cult, bizarre, smut, and b-movie cinema. Good times.Speaking of Joe Bob Briggs, I gotta tell ya, I

William Weird ("The Bearded Weirdo Reviews Guy")http://www.blogger.com/profile/18106141392911297787noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6440258502960744200.post-33420928003598898822009-04-21T06:24:00.000-07:002010-10-04T15:34:37.517-07:00

Amy Lynn Best (actress- The Resurrection Game, Exterminator City, etc.)Chris Seaver (writer/director- Ski Wolf, Terror At Bloodfart Lake, etc.)Gregory Lamberson (writer/director- Slime City, Slime City Massacre, etc.)Jake Karns (comic book writer/artist- Fukitor, Tales From Uranus, etc.)Mars (composer- Slime City Massacre, Crawler, etc.)Mike Watt (writer/director- The Resurrection Game, A Feast

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The Bearded Weirdo Salutes... GwarThe Bearded Weirdo Salutes... The Kids In The HallThe Bearded Weirdo Salutes... Linda BlairBlood-Spattered CheesecakeGoin' Bananas! Freaky Flicks Full Of Monkey Mayhem & Primate PerversionsR.I.P. Dan O'BannonTotally Tasteless Tales Of Terror-

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Airheads (1994)Angel Heart (1987)Bad Taste (1987)Barb Wire (1996)Bloody Mallory (2002)The Broken (2008)Burial Ground: The Nights Of Terror (1981)Candy Stripers (2006)Cast A Deadly Spell (1991)The Deadly Spawn (1983)Death Row Diner (1988)Death Valley: The Revenge Of Bloody Bill (2004)Deathbone (2008)Demonwarp (1988)Elves (1989)Evil Cult (2003)Experiments In Terror 3 (2009)Filthy McNasty (2001)

William Weird ("The Bearded Weirdo Reviews Guy")http://www.blogger.com/profile/18106141392911297787noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6440258502960744200.post-73435576595158883222009-04-20T07:28:00.001-07:002009-04-21T14:21:20.615-07:00

Listen. There is one reason and one reason only why I even picked up POT ZOMBIES in the first place. One reason. Two words. Four syllables. And a whooooole lot o' awesome. Monique Dupree. Monique Dupree is the fucking shiznit. Monique Dupree rocks my socks, shoes, shoelaces, toes, ankles, shins, kneecaps, and thighs. She rocks my whole damn legs, and the thing that hangs betwixt 'em. For

William Weird ("The Bearded Weirdo Reviews Guy")http://www.blogger.com/profile/18106141392911297787noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6440258502960744200.post-56744636948523512332009-04-14T05:53:00.000-07:002010-01-29T09:20:50.364-08:00

*A moment of silence for Marilyn Chambers, the "99 and 44/100% pure" girl.April 22, 1952 - April 12, 2009*

William Weird ("The Bearded Weirdo Reviews Guy")http://www.blogger.com/profile/18106141392911297787noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6440258502960744200.post-32961084288836623232009-04-07T08:46:00.000-07:002010-01-29T09:20:55.162-08:00

This should have been posted sooner, but I didn't find out until just now.*A moment of silence for Andy Hallett, a supremely talented singer who also played the much loved character of Lorne, on the television show Angel. It was Andy who gave Lorne not just his voice, but all of his life and lovableness.August 4, 1975 --- March 29, 2009*

William Weird ("The Bearded Weirdo Reviews Guy")http://www.blogger.com/profile/18106141392911297787noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6440258502960744200.post-23404188700810086762009-04-02T07:55:00.002-07:002009-07-17T12:09:07.261-07:00

[Note: This is a review of the WATCHMEN first-run theatrical release, not the Director's Cut, which will undoubtedly re-integrate many of the scenes I mention below as being omitted.]Like most comic book fans, when I saw the first teaser trailer released for Zack Snyder's WATCHMEN movie, it was something of a religious experience. I was energized, and in awe. After hearing rumors about a WATCHMEN

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Few things are more disappointing than wasted potential. And few things are more aggravating than a truly, truly boring film. CANDY STRIPERS represents both.This flick had a lot of potential. And I mean a whole damn lot.Now, going into a film like this, you don't expect a moving masterpiece of modern movie-making genius. But, c'mon. Is it too much to ask for a fun, bloody, monster-filled,

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*A moment of silence for Lux Interior, the vocalist for seminal psychobilly band The Cramps.October 21, 1946 --- February 4, 2009*

William Weird ("The Bearded Weirdo Reviews Guy")http://www.blogger.com/profile/18106141392911297787noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6440258502960744200.post-80807991404376513932009-01-30T11:07:00.000-08:002009-03-24T07:22:26.600-07:00

A lone figure stands by the side of the road.He is a dark shadow of a man solitary against the horizon, his black coat flapping in the hoarse winds and his arm outstretched, thumb jutting rigidly upward. He's cold and soaked in the downpour of rain.He's looking for a ride."My mother told me never to do this."C. Thomas Howell's first line in THE HITCHER. Few more ominous and ironic statements

William Weird ("The Bearded Weirdo Reviews Guy")http://www.blogger.com/profile/18106141392911297787noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6440258502960744200.post-32691916266977719092009-01-12T11:25:00.000-08:002009-07-24T05:16:11.066-07:00

There have been multiple times in my life when people have asked me how I can even like some of the movies that I proudly proclaim I love.And I always just say "Hey. Someone has to."Listen up. Just like every piece of cinematic genius has to have its detractors, every steaming pile of cinematic waste has to have its defenders.Sometimes when I tell somebody I love a particular movie (such as,

William Weird ("The Bearded Weirdo Reviews Guy")http://www.blogger.com/profile/18106141392911297787noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6440258502960744200.post-91231072541261370012009-01-02T10:35:00.000-08:002009-04-22T07:41:46.706-07:00

Nearly every major (and not-so-major) holiday you can think of has a horror movie to go along with it.October 31st has John Carpenter's stalk-and-slash cash cow, HALLOWEEN (duh). December 25th has the SILENT NIGHT, DEADLY NIGHT movies (not to mention, my personal favorite Christmastime fright flick, ELVES). April 1st has the psuedo-slasher, APRIL FOOL'S DAY. March 17th has the entire LEPRECHAUN

William Weird ("The Bearded Weirdo Reviews Guy")http://www.blogger.com/profile/18106141392911297787noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6440258502960744200.post-64218388431595284602008-12-23T11:57:00.000-08:002009-04-14T08:38:33.097-07:00

Ho ho ho, motherfuckers!Listen to me now, and listen to me good. ELVES is definitely the very best goddamn yuletide movie ever made. You hear me? The best. Ever. No foolin'.Oh sure, purists will always have MIRACLE ON 34TH STREET and IT'S A WONDERFUL LIFE, not to mention all those Rankin-Bass stop-motion flicks, as well as the 3937548 different versions of A CHRISTMAS CAROL. And, of course, A

William Weird ("The Bearded Weirdo Reviews Guy")http://www.blogger.com/profile/18106141392911297787noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6440258502960744200.post-18821423532838651172008-12-12T06:12:00.000-08:002009-07-17T12:08:03.738-07:00

Call it whatever ya like.Slime.Ooze.Toxic waste. Radioactive muck. Nuclear sludge.Gunk. Gook. Goo. Goop.However you wanna say it, at the end of the day what it all boils down to is this: the good stuff.Ya gotta love the crap. It's gross, sticky, thick, drippy junk. Sometimes caustic, oft-times green, and always mutative, it's the scummy schlock staple of so many grungy drive-in monster movies and

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*A moment of silence for the Queen Of Pin-Ups.April 22, 1923 --- December 11, 2008*

William Weird ("The Bearded Weirdo Reviews Guy")http://www.blogger.com/profile/18106141392911297787noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6440258502960744200.post-9729445207807649782008-12-09T05:35:00.001-08:002010-01-29T09:21:39.616-08:00

Bearded Weirdo Reviews is officially up and running, as of this week. For now, I'll just post reviews. But you can expect a "mission statement" of sorts to be up sometime within the next few weeks, for those of you curious as to just who I am, why I'm here, and what Bearded Weirdo is supposed to stand for.Much love and thanks to everyone who has supported and encouraged me in these last few weeks

William Weird ("The Bearded Weirdo Reviews Guy")http://www.blogger.com/profile/18106141392911297787noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6440258502960744200.post-32280736996662789352008-12-08T05:48:00.000-08:002010-01-22T07:53:24.570-08:00

A long time ago, Peter Jackson was totally mental ("yeah, meental!"). I'm talking Looney Tunes. One hundred and ten percent out of his gourd. Batshit bonkers, ya hear me? He was a maniacal madman intent on wallowing in the mud and dragging all of New Zealand down into the dirt at the same time.Then, something happened. He went soft.Why? How?I don't know. Maybe age softened him. Maybe it was the

William Weird ("The Bearded Weirdo Reviews Guy")http://www.blogger.com/profile/18106141392911297787noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6440258502960744200.post-69703042564761722342008-10-21T10:45:00.000-07:002010-01-29T09:21:21.361-08:00

MySpace Countdowns

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